I Nearly Died- (again)

I’ve not been feeling well enough to blog as regularly as I’d like. As you can tell by the title, I nearly died last week, courtesy of EUPD (my personality disorder). The bugger is constantly trying to kill me. Thankfully though, I seem to have more lives than Deadpool.

I won’t go into too much detail because I don’t want to become fuel to anybody else’s suicidality. Basically, I hanged myself, but the police found me and cut me down before it could do much damage. At this point I was sent to the psych ward in A&E (this was where my last entry was written.)

After spending around 24 hours in the same room in A&E, I was sent to a crisis house and I’ve been there since. Not many people have heard about crisis houses- they’re residential mental health care settings, but they’re different to hospitals. Unlike hospitals, crisis houses…

  • Cannot section you, nor can they forcibly give you medication or restrain you. You have to be there completely voluntarily.
  • Allow you to keep your belongings, such as chargers.
  • Allow you more freedom; you can come and go so long as staff know where you are. On the other hand, the staff will have to send police after you If they can’t find where you are.
  • Work with you more intensively, you generally have a 1:1 session with a worker a couple of times a day. There are also self-directed activities to do, like arts and crafts.

I’ve never been to this particular crisis house before and I had a bit of a rough start, culminating in an argument with a Miss-Trunchbull-like-staff-member. The rest of the team are much nicer though and I’ve settled in now.

To be honest, I’m not much better than when I came in, but I do feel safer. I’m still experiencing very unpredictable emotions. This has meant that I’ve collected a new term to add to my brain’s psychiatric glossary: ‘labile affect’. It’s basically when you swing between extreme emotions quickly and abruptly.

10 thoughts on “I Nearly Died- (again)

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      1. I can technically do most things I want to do, it’s just everything is designed to be safer (so no ligature risks etc). You have to actually ask for a bath plug! 🙈

        I just don’t have the energy to do the tasks I’d normally do x


  1. I’m sorry to hear things have been really tough. How are you doing at the moment? I hope the crisis house is helping you, it sounds like a supportive and safe place (other than the trunchbull!) take care xx


    1. Things are going much better at the moment. The consultant overruled the 2 week rule so I can stay until the end of August. That takes me past the anniversary of my cousin’s death so hopefully I’ll be less suicidal after that x


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